Updates

My dad
Thank you everyone for the wonderful, supportive comments and e-mails. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support.

We’ve learned more about my dad’s condition and it’s not very good. He has an appointment with a specialist today about two hours away. I’m waiting for my mom to call and fill me in on the details in the next hour or two. There’s a chance he’s going to be admitted today and could stay there for awhile for treatment.


Volleyball
I was asked to fill in as an alternate for a co-worker’s volleyball team last night. When I said yes, I didn’t really think they would actually ever need me, so naturally I exaggerated my VB skills. I came clean about my lack of skills when he asked me to fill in. He said it was ok, because if they didn’t have enough people they wouldn’t be able to play.

So…yeah, this whole playing volleyball sober thing (and playing with sober people) is like a whole different game. And there was a guy there keeping track of stuff and the score. As far as how I played?? Well let’s just say I don’t think I’ll be asked back again. My goal quickly became to keep the ball away from my face at all costs, whether it be ducking, hiding behind people, or launching both fists forward with all my might. Apparently the lack of alcohol made me slightly afraid of the ball.


Bachelorette Party
Last Saturday was my first time out since my marathon. I purposely didn’t start drinking until after 11 p.m. I started with Red Bull and Vodka (which I’ve never ever had, and never ever will again) and then moved to gin and tonics. I should have known better than to even attempt liquor. There was lots of dancing and lots of laughing…probably at me attempting to dance.


Bachelor Party
I’m supposed to go to my friend’s bachelor party this weekend, but I don’t think it’s going to happen as I don’t have anyone to watch my son. If my parents come home (and my dad is ok) then I will likely go, as there are going to be a lot of people there whom I haven’t seen in a while and the groom-to-be is one of my best friends.
Honestly though, the only thing I can think of is what’s going to happen to my dad at this point.

bad

I came home from Philly today. Tired. Exhausted. Nursing the WORST hangover I’ve ever had. I went right to my room and slept.

When I woke up my mom asked me to come into the living room. They said they needed to talk to me.

I thought they were mad at me for something. I left the heater on overnight the other day. I thought it was going to be a “if you’re living here, you need to follow our rules” lecture.

My mom started to cry. I knew it was something bad.

My dad told me he has leukemia.

I hugged him and cried.

His mother died of leukemia when she was his age.

They don’t know anything else yet, other than they think he has a “medium” kind of leukemia, whatever that means. He had a blood transfusion this week and will need to continue doing so.  He’s waiting on more test results right now.

I can’t stop crying. I think I’m ok and then I breakdown.

They don’t want to tell my son. They’re afraid he’s just going to be upset and worry too much. I think I’m eventually going to have to tell him. I’m a big believer of keeping kids in the loop, even if it’s bad.

If my son or I get sick we can’t stay here until we’re not contagious. I’m not sure where we’re going to go. I’m going to try to set up a few alternative places we can go when we get sick.

 I think things are going to get bad soon. I’m not sure if I’m going to try to buy a house this spring like I had planned. I might stay here longer if my parents need help.

sensible party shoes

I’m off to Philly this weekend for a bachelorette party. Two of my best friends are marrying each other. I have her bachelorette party this weekend and his bachelor party next weekend.

I’m really excited to have a girls night out tomorrow. I have girlfriends coming in from Vermont and Pittsburgh whom I haven’t seen in quite some time.

I had girlfriend e-mail me yesterday reminding me that we would be walking from bar to bar and to remember to wear my sensible party shoes.

You take one small tumble on a cobblestone road in your 4” stilettos and no one ever lets you forget it.
Whatever.
It’s not like I didn’t get right back up.

And yes I may whine and beg to be carried every time we have to walk somewhere, but what do you expect….my shoes weren’t made for walking, they were made to be admired. I mean really, party shoes that were made for walking…have you ever heard of such a thing???

I’m going to pack my 4 ½” hot pink stilettos, but it really comes down to how my toenails feel tomorrow night. If they’re in a bad mood, I’m going to have to downgrade to my 3” stilettos.

Speaking of my toenails, I’m pretty sure a third one is on its way out. One is completely dead, but still firmly attached to my toe…very odd. The second one is discolored and has several layers of attempted toenail growth underneath it…very gross. The last fatality of the marathon, my third bad toenail is just starting to turn whitish brown and has just one layer underneath it. A telltale sign that it’s not going to make it.

Last night my mom tried to trim the dead toenail, despite my squirming and squealing, but couldn’t get the toenail clippers around it because it’s too thick. It was so traumatizing, I almost passed out. Last time I ever try something like that sober.

You now know far more about my toenails than you had ever hoped to know. But I’m not sorry, this issue had to be addressed.

Back to this weekend.

I’m going to be drinking. I had two glasses of wine the other night and I had to practically crawl to bed. This whole marathon thing has really put a damper on my drinking. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to hold my own with the girls anymore.

It could get ugly this weekend.

The Stopping Tree.

This tree was the stopping point for many of our long training runs.

now what?

I’m a little lost in these post-marathon days. I’ve had this goal for a long time and now it’s over. I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.


So, what have I been up to?

Volleyball
I’ve been asked to be an alternate for a co-worker’s volleyball team. Apparently every now and then someone can’t make it to the game so they needed an alternate…which will be me. The thing is I may have ever so slightly exaggerated my volleyball skills to my co-worker when he asked, and by exaggerate I mean that I told him I could play when in fact I have no idea if I can. And I might have left out the tiny detail that I’ve never played volleyball sober. All minor details. How hard can it be, it’s not like they’re pros. If I can play three sheets to the wind it should be a breeze sober, right?


Another Scene
Managed to make a scene at the store trying to get a 12-pack of Sam Adams Winter Classic Variety Pack out of the cooler. In all fairness it was wedged in there and even the guy who eventually helped me (after watching me put my leg up on the shelf for leverage and yanking the 12-pack repeatedly) had trouble getting it out of the cooler. I fear footage of my beer escapade will end up on the internets, but in all honesty if that’s the only beer related video of me that shows up on the internets, I’ll be lucky.


Two words: entitlement eating
Yep, still eating like I’m training. Guess I should start training again so I can maintain my current level of eating.


Contemplating
Contemplating just how intimate two people who run together become. I may have taken my relationship to the next level with my running partner. After the marathon I drank a lot of Gatorade and a lot of water. No big deal, we assumed we would be stopping a lot on the way home. What we did not plan for was getting stuck in traffic for an hour on the way out of the city. No woods, just concrete. No place to pull off the road. Nowhere. I had no choice. It was an urgent situation.

I had to pee in a water bottle. In the car. With quivering thighs. Thighs that had just hours before carried me 26.2 miles. You want to talk about skills? I know a thing or two about skills. That’s all I’m sayin’.


Wanting More
Entered the lottery for the 2010 NYC Marathon. If I don’t get in (and I don’t expect to) I’m going to do another one around the same time of year. I’m hooked. I miss training. I’m going to try to maintain the level that I’m at, but not sure if that’s possible over these winter months.

It took a lot of pain, sweat, and tears to get to this point and I’ll be damned if I’m just going to let it go. I’m joining a gym today and am going to try to run a few times a week before work and then do a long run (10-20 miles) on the weekend a few times a month.

New York New York!

I did it! I ran the NYC Marathon!!!!!!

Amazing.

One of the most incredible experiences of my life.

Absolutely amazing.

I didn’t think it would take me this long to post about the marathon…it completely wiped me out for a couple of days.

I don’t even really know where to start. So here it goes:

• For as much of a wreck that I was the week leading up to the marathon, I was totally Zen as soon as I woke up Saturday morning to leave for NY. I was never nervous, not once, not even at the starting line. I was calm. I trusted in the fact that I was prepared. 

George Washington Bridge. Not part of the marathon route, but stunning.

• I met a lot of really cool people. From a guy named Mike at the Staten Island Ferry (told you I’m a magnet to people named Mike), to a guy named Jeffery, who looked like a guy I knew named Jeff, to a guy from the Netherlands who looked just like another on of my friends to a lady from London…there were so many great friendly people. 

• I saw my running partner cheering me on around mile 17 and holding a banana for me. I almost cried. I can’t begin to express how wonderful it was to see someone I knew…to see HER, among thousands and thousands of cheering people. I almost cried. It was one of the high points of the race. If it weren’t for her I would have never even considered running at all. She is the one who trained me, who guided me, and never stopped encouraging me. Everyone should have not just a running partner like her, but also a friend like her.

Here I am, mile 17, (76th and 1st Ave) beyond thrilled

 to be seeing my running partner...and the banana

• The people of New York treated the runners like rock stars. Seriously. The people in Brooklyn are the best. They are so wonderful and supportive; it made for a very easy first 13.1 miles. And the bands, don’t even get me started on the bands! Incredible. There was one point where a band was signing “Walking on Sunshine” and all the runners began singing with the band. Runners, just singing along with the band and crowd!

• Coming off of the Queensboro Bridge into Manhattan around mile 16 is unbelievable. All of a sudden you’re in Manhattan with the sidewalks blocked off so the crowd doesn’t spill out into the road. There were crowds six to eight people deep, all shouting and cheering. 

• I hit the wall. I hit it hard. Mile 22. Everything hurt, my legs were like lead, there was a devil sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. It said to quit. Give up. I couldn’t do this; it was stupid to even try. I started to believe it. But then I thought of everyone tracking me and all of the people standing on the streets screaming for me to keep going. I thought about my running partner. It was one of the longest miles of my life. I have never been so emotionally and physically torn down in my life. I kept going. It got better. By mile 23 my legs had pretty much gone numb and while they were still like tying to move lead, it was easier.

• I almost had a religious experience in Harlem….I think it was Harlem. There was a gospel choir singing outside of a church about Jesus, and goddamn they were they good. I’ve only every seen gospel choirs like theirs on TV, and let me tell you it was incredible in person. I wish I could have hung around there longer.

• After the marathon…many hours after the marathon I checked twitter and saw everyone cheering me on the entire time I was running. I really think all of that support and cheering helped me through my darkest miles. I was overwhelmed by everyone’s support. Thanks you guys. And not to just the people on twitter – to everyone who reads my blog. New and old followers alike. Thank you for all of the support through the training and thank you to everyone for all of your kind e-mails and comments. Avery special thanks to The Fragrant Muse for the wonderful, fantastic, amazing massage on Monday! I'll be back in heels in no time thanks to you!

I have so many wonderful experiences and stories from Sunday, it’s all kind of jumbled together and disorganized. Is there anything that you want to know? E-mail me or leave a question in the comments and I’ll do a post responding to your questions. It’s probably easier that way, rather than me just rambling on.

confessions

Forgive me Google for I have sinned.

It’s been 4 days since my last post and just as long since I’ve read any blogs.
There’s so much to confess.

Confession #1
I still don’t know how I feel about my ex approaching me at the grocery store while I was longingly gazing at Sam Adams Oktoberfest beer. It came as a complete and total surprise. One minute I’m thinking about beer then next thing I know he’s standing next to me with a kind smile on his face. Our eyes met, no words were spoken, I turned my back to him and walked away. I hauled ass to the bathroom where I sobbed uncontrollably, locked in a stall.

Shock. Frustration. Sadness of what once was.

I don’t know how I feel about turning my back on someone I once loved (and still do). It was self-preservation. I had no choice. Someday I would like to be able to say “Hi how are you?” when I see him and actually mean it and not feel these emotions that I still feel. But it’s far too soon for that.

Confession #2
I’m feeling some serious blog love these days (despite being relatively absent from the blogosphere this week.)

Fidgeting Gidget knitted me a scarf to keep me warm after my run. It’s fantastic and I love it!!!

Wednesday, Cyndy sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers (which Gidget, my cat, not the blogger loves), a care package that contained Oreo cookies and Gummy Bears—two of my favorite junk foods! Along with the flowers and care package she sent me a letter of support. A letter that I have read so many times I have it almost memorized. I’ll be taking this letter with me to NY and thinking of it when I hit The Wall and feel as though I can’t take one more step.

Also, as I’ve mentioned before there are going to be several bloggers: Otin, Little Miss Blogger, Ice Queen, Mid-town Girl, Jaime at the marathon cheering me and the other thousands of runners on!

Confession #3
I’ve stopped stalking the weather. It is what it is. I will run rain or shine and it will be an experience that I remember for the rest of my life. There is no raining on my parade.

Confession #4
These aren’t really confessions so much as a bunch of FYIs, but the word confession sounds better.

Confession #5
I have something to mail to Fidgeting Gidget, K13, and VEG, but hate going to the post office and haven't been able to force myself to go there. Today will be the day.

Confession #6
I am prepared. I am ready. I can and will rock this marathon.
The next time I blog it will be about my marathon experience.

I trust that I am prepared.

Everything will work out with the weather.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

running self-portraits

i trust that i am prepared

6 days to go.

My mantra for the week:
I trust that I am prepared.
Everything will work out with the weather.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

My marathon is almost here. I am at a heightened state of awareness. Every decision I make at this point is with the marathon in mind.

My emotions are covering the entire spectrum right now.

I’m ecstatic.
I’m terrified.
I’m calm.
I’m a nervous wreck.

I’m happy my training is done, it’s been a lot of work.
I’m sad that my training is done, I’m going to miss it.

I have begun stalking the weather. Google, if you’re listening I’d like to place an order for a high of 60 degrees with plenty of sunshine and a side of occasionally cloudiness. Hold the rain please.

I downloaded The Weather Channel app on my iPhone and I check it approximately 50 times a day, sometimes more. It’s different almost every time I check. In the past couple of days it’s gone from 60% chance of rain to 0% chance of rain, back to 30% chance of rain.

I find it ridiculous that people try to predict the weather 10 days in advance when they cannot accurately do so. I would be better off if they only gave a 3-day forecast. 10-day forecasts should be illegal.

It’s driving me crazy. Like Joan Crawford no wire hangers crazy. My running partner has asked me to stop checking the weather but I don’t think I can.

In other news I have received word that Otin and several other bloggers are going to be spectators at the NYC marathon! I was thrilled upon hearing this news and because I’m on a rollercoaster of emotion I soon became horrified. What if they see me in my tight tight spandexish running pants. I’m really self-conscious about my running outfit. I was embarrassed to wear it in front of my mom. Now I have to expose myself to 42,999 other runners, a shitload of spectators, and possibly bloggers armed with cameras.

NOTE: I want you to lie to me about my outfit. If you see things jiggling and shaking, lie to me and tell me how fit I look. There is no shame in telling white lies.

Thank you guys so much for your support, it means the world to me. And seriously….I really do want you to lie to me…and on your posts if you blog about it.

I trust that I am prepared.
Everything will work out with the weather.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

P.s. I checked the weather after I wrote this and it has changed once again. Now it’s going to be partly cloudy, high of 58 degrees, 20% chance of rain. Damn Google works fast.